Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
