New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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