I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
