didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
