his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We left the knife in your bed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
