Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
