It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
