I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
