Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
