the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
