....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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