One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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