is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
