Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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