ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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