i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
