Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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