Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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