Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
