just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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