i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this is an emotional support booty call
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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