you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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