If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
