note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
