brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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