i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
