I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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