Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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