my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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