yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
