I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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