I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
