so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
