I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
