smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
