3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
