I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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