she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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