I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
