And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
