how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
