If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
