just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
