Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They took my balls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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