he told me I talked like a deaf person
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
