you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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