there was a trapeze. enough said
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
