no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
