she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
