you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
