I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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