i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
