i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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