just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
