i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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