Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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