everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
