he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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